Beauty in the Breakdown

a borrowed title from "Let Go" by Frou Frou; the fading of spring; chronic migraine acceptance; tiny writing update

Dear Friend,

The wild violets have finished blooming. The daffodils are nothing more than reclining green stalks and the cherry blossoms litter the ground in a pink-turning-brown snow. Spring often conjures the first blush, the initial excitement.

But this is spring, too: the fading and maturing. The leaves that will nourish the trees all summer emerge and stretch into their fullness. It’s a shift to valuing substance over style.

Eastern Redbud leaves in spring, Famartin, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I told someone today that I experience chronic migraines. It was such an easy admission. I’m no longer in the season of learning about myself, nor the season of denial and frustration. The migraines are no longer totally unpredictable and I have some good strategies for how to handle them.

It’s strange that I’ve come to this place of acceptance. The time of survival is past and the showy blooms of hope that the migraines would stop have faded. I’m growing into this new life and this new sense of identity that comes with the word chronic.

While I hate the pain I’ve endured and the pain that so many with chronic illness suffer, I can’t deny that this experience has changed me. Once again, my body has humbled me. There are days when I’m forced to do less, and there’s freedom in that surrender.

And without migraines, I never would have written HAVEN this past year, a sci-fi adventure rom-com. My protagonist, Haven, grew up with a pain-relieving port implant. But there’s a political faction that would use the ports to leverage pain for power. When her twin brother’s research threatens the powers-that-be, Haven removes her port to travel across the solar system to rescue him, and discovers that she experiences chronic migraines.

Haven learns just how powerfully the experience of pain alters our perception of the world. But she also learns that there’s beauty in accepting our human frailty. I can’t wait to query this book and share it a little more widely.

wishing you well,

Laura