You Make Time for What Matters

(why I don't really like this phrase)

Dear Friend,

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “you make time for what matters.” At first glance, it seems comforting. As if the universe really does fall into some kind of cosmic order. It might even be a kind of excuse, especially for other people.

But it can also be an insidious form of self-recrimination. It implies that you didn’t go visit, or call, or check in, or bring a meal, or send a note because you didn’t care enough. And I’m calling bullshit on this phrase.

Very often, people care so much. You think about texting your friend fifty times even though your fingers never quite reach your phone messages. Because life is busy and often chaotic and overwhelming. At the end of the day, it’s enough to collapse into a chair and tell yourself that you’ll try again tomorrow.

And then sometimes, tomorrow is taken away. My grandfather passed away this week.

Why didn’t I go visit my grandfather more often before he died? That question was running through my head this week. And for awhile, a voice in my head was saying, “you make time for what matters.”

But you don’t make time. You live in the flow of time. And all the things that truly matter, especially our love for each other, transcend time. He mattered to me then and he matters to me now. I can rest easy in that truth.

Be gentle with yourself, friend. I know you’re doing the best you can. Just like me.

xo,

Laura