I Regret Nothing
Edith Piaf's song as my rallying cry to re-enter the query trenches
Dear Friend,
I’ve had two snippets of songs running through my head this week. One is Frank Sinatra crooning, “regrets, I’ve had a few” and then, as if in response, I hear Edith Piaf declaring, “non, je ne regrette rien.” (I regret nothing.)
I’ve always wanted to be an author. A few other ideas would come and go, but that was the one that stayed. Even if nothing else worked out, even if everything else worked out, I would be writing stories.
In 2021, after ten years of writing a novel draft a year, sharing it with a few friends, and shelving it forever - I realized this process wasn’t getting me any closer to my goal of being a published author. I know. A lot of people would’ve gotten there sooner. A lot of people did. Shoutout to all the indie authors who chose themselves! Sinatra: I did it my way…
My first round of querying, I knew so little. I workshopped my query letter with other writers I’d found on instagram and sent it out to about 30 agents over the course of a year. Rien, nothing. My second round of querying in 2023, I had a new manuscript with commercial appeal. I worked on my query package and eventually sent out over 130 queries, with an excellent request rate (agents asking to read more of the manuscript). But still, I didn’t get an agent offer.
Piaf: Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs, je n'ai plus besoin d'eux / Balayé pour toujours, je repars à zéro. (My troubles, my pleasures, I’ve no more need of them / Wiped away forever, I start again at zero.)
I’m getting ready for a third round of querying. I’ve learned a lot, but I’m no closer to publishing than I was 4 years ago, or 10 years ago, or 25 years ago when I first dreamed of being an author.
But also, I wrote a new novel this past year. Even if nothing else worked out, even if everything else worked out, I would be writing. That’s my favorite part, claiming the bedrock truth of my life: I’m a writer. Non, je ne regrette rien.
Thanks for joining me on the journey,
Laura